800,000 fans.
Hey, Chad, I've got good news for you.
How can there be good news when I've only got 800,000 fans?
Chad? Chad, look at me.
Look... stop staring at your thermometer.
"chadometer."
It measures the exact number of fans following me on f litter.
And it hasn't moved in weeks.
And this is where my good news comes in.
You're nobody in this town unless you have a million. Why won't you move?!
Oh no, it's dropping.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you.
Come back, come back.
Come back, Chad. Come back, come back. Look at me.
I made a phone call that's gonna make this all better.
Wardrobe lady!
Ah, I can't think about wardrobe right now.
Well, which one do you want, sweetie pie? This one or this one?
What does it matter? The only thing that fits me is failure.
Look, I called the president of your fan club.
- You called Amber? - Yes.
And she's gonna help you get your million fans.
Whoa, sweetie pie, why stop at a million?
I mean seriously, Chad Dylan Cooper is the greatest actor.
Of his generation.
See? There's a new fan right there.
800,001.
That's no ordinary fan.
Amber?
Wait, you're Amber?
Yep!
That's me.
âª off to the races, I'm going places âª
âª might be a long shot, not gonna waste it âª
âª this is the big break and it's calling my name âª
âª yeah! âª
âª so far, so great, get with it âª
âª at least that's how I see it âª
âª having a dream is just the beginning âª
âª so far, so great, believe it âª
âª can't take away this feeling âª
âª taking a ride with chance on my side âª
âª yeah, I can't wait âª
âª so far, so great âª
âª yaooww! âª
Sonny, meet Amber algoode, the president.
Of the Chad Dylan Cooper fan club.
Oh, I'm so glad you're here.
I'm so glad you called. My card.
Oh, so I guess with Amber algoode,
It's gonna be all good.
Oh, look at that.
You already thought of it. It's on the card.
So what's up with the wardrobe sketch?
This is what sets Amber apart from the average fan-club president.
The others stay in their parents' basement, but Amber gets out.
Yeah. She gets in disguise.
To find out what the people are really saying about me.
That's right. And you know what the wardrobe department is saying?
- Come here, let me tell you. - What?
Nothing!
That doesn't make any sense.
Fans are so hard to predict. You never know what's gonna set them off.
Look, it could be... it could be his new haircut;
It could be the car you're driving;
But I'm pretty sure it's that ugly shirt you're wearing.
Hey, I... I bought him this shirt.
Yeah, I love this shirt.
Oh, that is so cute. But that has got to go.
Consider it gone.
It's for the fans.
How is changing his shirt gonna get him more fans?
Well, please watch the chadometer as I f litter.
"hello, peeps."
With Chad now.
He just ditched his ugly shirt." send.
Oh, yes.
Wow, you really are all good.
Right?
So anything else he needs to change?
Well, I mean, have you been chilling with anybody.
That could be making you less cool?
Well, since Sonny and I started dating,
I have been spending an unfortunate amount of time with the randoms.
- Ew. - Mmm.
No no no no, there's no "mmm" or "ew," okay?
The randoms... they're... they're really really cool.
Oh, that's really really cute. But guess what?
They gotta go.
No, there's no "gotta go," okay?
You don't know anything about my friends.
- But I will soon. - Ooh yeah, Amber.
Get in disguise and go dig up some dirt.
No no no, you're not spying on my friends.
I'm sorry, I thought you... you cared about Chad?
- I do. - I thought you called me to fix the problem?
- I did. - I think you should let Amber algoode fix the problem.
- I will. - Okay good!
You're so sweet. She's so small!
Check it out, tawni. They're having a huge sale at all things pool.
I got myself a pool table.
I got myself a pool.
Do you guys even know anything about pool or pools?
Girl, I'm an experienced pool hustler.
And I'm an intermediate plus swimmer.
Just call me slick.
And I'm Sly. Together we're slick and Sly.
- Watch slick do his thing. - Yeah.
Ooh!
Hey! Really?
I was gonna come in here to warn you guys not to do anything uncool,
But judging by my new yogurt topping.
And grady's water wings,
I see I'm a little late.
Uh, ahem, excuse me,
But on grownups, they're called safety puffs.
Listen, the president of Chad's fan club is here.
To see if you guys are doing anything to make Chad's popularity drop.
- Is she cute? - Yeah, but she's really sneaky and likes to wear disguises.
Ooh, go on.
This is serious.
Sonny, we're hustlers, baby.
No girl's gonna hustle us, 'cause I'm slick.
I'm Sly.
I'm smooth! Gentlemen, gentlemen,
My card.
"with smooth, it's all smooth."
Ha! I hear there's a pool game going on.
I'm not very good but I do have lots of money.
Is that gonna be a problem?
Not a problem at all. Rack 'em up.
Okay. Well then...
So, uh, fella to fella,
Oh, it's racked? Let me get that.
Two ball, corner pocket.
Oh! Man, this wad of money is messing up my game.
Yeah.
Well, smooth,
I wouldn't say slick and I are tight with Chad.
- I mean... - Yeah.
Tree ball over there.
Right right, get a percentage, right?
Oh, I got that.
- It's supposed to curve, right? - Your shot.
Well, thank you very much. Thank you.
So y'all ain't really tight with Chad?
Oh, missed again.
So what y'all do? Y'all talk about him on the Internet?
Y'all talk trash, don't you? That's nasty.
No. Actually, ever since Sonny started dating Chad,
He's been a pretty decent guy.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Decent, huh?
So if smooth was to ascertain the ascertations.
Of the situation, what y'all are saying.
Is that y'all really don't mind associating with Chad?
Not sure what you said.
Uh nuh.
I believe the answer is no.
All right, well, that means this game is over.
All right. I'll holla...
Okay. I'll holla at ya. I'll holla at ya.
- I'll holla, okay. - Over over over? No no no no.
Nobody's even made a shot yet.
Well then, let's fix this little situation.
- You ready? - Oh yeah.
You ready? Let me...
Oh oh oh oh oh oh!
Eight ball comin' to fatty.
Well played, my brethren.
Y'all can keep your money, a'right?
I'm gonna take this pool, 'cause you know I got ducks.
Ha ha! Quack quack.
âª quack! Watch me quack to the left... âª.
Hey, my friend has a pool just like that.
Ha! Well, ain't he a little lucky fella?
Gotta go.
Wait, Amber?
Uh, the name is smooth.
Wait a minute.
That is grady's. And that is you, Amber.
Well, you are good.
But I bet you didn't get anything out of them.
I got this pool.
And that's all you're gonna get because they're nice guys.
The day's young, little lady. The day is young.
I always get what I'm looking for.
Oh, no you won't! Oh, no you...
Wow, that voice is really painful.
Whoo! That's my jam.
Free facials,
Only for the biggest stars in Hollywood.
Well, I'm a big star in Hollywood.
I'm sure you are, child. Come take a load off.
Let Maya bobude make you beautiful.
Ha ha!
Oh, look at this.
Your skin is so tight,
Like it's holding a lot of secrets, no?
I think we need to loosen it up.
Yes, most definitely. You know who else's skin is very tight, love?
Chad Dylan Cooper.
You know, I just... I don't get why that guy's so popular.
Ah! Oh my.
Your skin is definitely talking now.
And it's telling Maya bobude you're angry.
You're angry, child, aren't ya?
Angry enough to do something to make Chad's fans go away?
Uh no.
Honestly, ever since he started spending more time with Sonny,
I hardly even know he exists.
Well, then Maya bobude is done.
There's my card.
The plan is just to...
Call me when you want to sell this hair.
Who was that woman?
It's Maya bobude!
Maya bobu...
De!
Thank you so much for joining me this afternoon.
I have finished my investigation and have concluded.
Why the greatest actor of his generation.
Has not reached a million fans.
This is the moment of truth.
First,
I thought it was these two.
Whoo! They got problems,
But Chad ain't one of 'em.
See?
Then I suspected.
The blonde.
But again, I came up with nothing.
They said that ever since you've been dating Sonny munroe,
You haven't been nicer, more thoughtful or kind...
Which to Chad's fans means he hasn't been more boring,
Ordinary or uninteresting.
Oh.
Which is why my conclusion.
Just like this ugly shirt...
Sonny munroe... gotta go!
You honestly believe that I'm the reason why Chad doesn't have a million fans?
Apparently a happy Chad is not a popular Chad.
The fans like edgy Chad.
With "chaditude!" give me some chaditude.
- Come on! - Can I borrow this? Can I borrow this?
- Yeah sure. - Thanks.
Well, I've completed my own investigation,
And my own conclusion is that you.
Are a whack-a-doodle-doo.
I'm a whack-a-doodle-who?
- Doo! - What?
Okay, girls girls girls, look at what you love.
Look at what you love right here.
There is no way that Chad would break up with me.
- To get his million fans. - Chad? Hi.
- Do you want a million fans? - Absolutely.
Well, then sweetheart, what's it gonna be?
Yeah, Chad, what's it gonna be?
- Uh, you're fired. - Ha!
Wait. Which one of us?
- Amber? - Yes?
You're fired.
Uh, look, you can tell me what shirts to wear;
You can tell me what ugly shirts not to wear;
But nobody... nobody tells Chad Dylan Cooper who to date.
Okay okay.
I can handle that. I can... I can take that.
Uh, Chad, I just... I just kind of want you to know.
That I am the only person who can get you a million fans.
But if you want me out of your life, I'm out.
I think I'm just gonna make a quick test, though.
"hey, Chad Dylan Cooper fans, chilling with him right now."
And c.D.C. Hates... he hates...
"Puppies."
- No. No, you wouldn't. - Oh, I think I might.
- We've been through too much. - I've got all my buttons.
- Don't you do it. - But I will.
- Send! - No no!
Oh, no no no no. My fans, my fans.
Chad, Chad, look at... oh, for the love of...
It's gonna be okay. I will take over your fan club for you, okay?
I'll mail out all your photos. I'll do all of the f littering.
I'll even wear daily disguises just to find out.
What people are chit-chatting about Chad Dylan Cooper, okay?
We are gonna get you your million fans.
And I'm gonna do whatever I gotta do.
What did you do?
I was just trying to help, but I got paper cuts from mailing;
I got blisters from f littering;
I got a headache from wearing this wig.
I did everything I could, chad... everything,
But the numbers just kept dropping.
They just kept dropping!
Sonny? Sonny, come back to me. Come back to me.
Come back. It's okay.
I'm sorry, Chad. I did everything I could.
I thought I could run your fan club, but I can't.
Shh. I know you're doing the best you can.
You know what'll fix this?
Flowers.
Amber?
I got you flowers.
Hello, Chad.
Why are you wearing that disguise?
This isn't a disguise. These are my dishwashing clothes.
What do you want?
I need you back. Without you my fans are dropping like flies.
Well well well,
Look who decided to come back crawling.
Does your girlfriend know you're here?
- No. - Does anyone know you're here?
- No. - Good.
Ah!
- Ready for a rematch with smooth? - Oh, hey hey hey.
You sure it's okay we came to his apartment?
Man took your kiddie pool. Have some self-respect.
What?
Um, we're... we're looking for smooth.
Did you just see Chad hopping by?
- Hey, can you hold this? - Yeah.
- Thank you, thank you. - Ah!
What? I am trying to dry my skillet.
Um, okay, well I'm looking for that facialist,
Maya, uh, bobude.
Oh great, there's three guys ahead of me.
I guess I can just come back later.
Ah!
Oh no, the numbers keep dropping.
I've got to get Amber back. I've got to get Amber back.
Amber algoode.
Hi, Amber, it's Sonny munroe.
Remember me? The girl that got you fired? I bet you do.
Oh, I do.
And I never want to see your face again!
Then you don't have to.
Excuse me, sir, could I talk to you for a second?
Hola! My name is Carlos la cienega,
Board-certified cleaner of the carpets.
My carpets are clean. Thank you very much.
Wait, seÃ±orita, if I could just have five minutes of your time,
Your carpets will glisten like the white-hot sands of puerto vallarta.
Not interested.
Wait. Uh... Oh!
Oopsies.
You did not...
Just do that.
Oh, but I did.
You got two minutes to clean it up.
Gracias gracias.
Oh, by the way, seÃ±orita, your outfit is fantastico.
Thank you.
SeÃ±orita, while I'm here,
I wonder if I could ask you about something.
What is going on here?
Gracias, kind seÃ±or, for saving us.
I'll tell the new president of my fan club to send you a photo.
Although it may take a while. She's not very good.
- Chad, it's me. - Sonny?
Yes. Why are you guys all tied up?
I came to beg Amber to take her job back. It did not go well.
I came to beg Amber to take her job back too.
And it's also not going very well.
Your plan is about as bad as your disguise.
You think you can beat me at my own game?
Bring it on, algoode!
Oh!
A vacuum smackdown!
Oh!
Ha ha!
Ah!
I'm okay.
Me too.
Not for long though. When my fingers start f littering again,
Oh, Chad can kiss all of his fans goodbye.
Unless, sweethea, you can always bring me back.
- You know the right words. - Never.
Chad, wait. She may be crazy,
And she may be very talented with a vacuum cleaner...
- Really? - Yeah, totally.
You're awesome.
...But she may be right. I don't want to be.
The thing that stands between you and your million fans.
Yes, Chad, because I can bring you a million fans first, I promise.
You know what? Stop stop! Stop it!
Stop. You know what? A million fans used to be really important to me.
But now I only care about one.
Ha! Wait, which one?
You.
That's so sweet.
Stop. I give up. I give up.
Okay fine. But here are.
You're gonna get every one of Chad's fans back;
And you're gonna stop f littering negative things about him.
Oh, and you're gonna give grady his pool back.
And we're not gonna see your face or any of your other faces ever again.
- Get it? - Got it.
Listen listen, I am so sorry, you guys.
It's just that sometimes I might get a little crazy.
But it's okay because it's just because I care.
I mean, I care a lot. You know what I mean?
Hey hey, calm it down.
Now if you'll excuse us, we gotta go!
Still hurts.
Quack quack. Quack quack.
Hey, I don't care if you're a whack-a-doodle,
You're the best facialist I ever had.
Really?
As promised.
Oh.
Thanks again for saving me at Amber's.
Hey, don't thank me, thank Carlos la cienega.
Hey, look at the chadometer. My fans are back.
- 800,000. - Wow.
Well... Looks like Amber .... the promise.
900,000?
- Looks like somebody's gonna get their million.. - Yeah!
So you thought you were gonna get rid of me, But I'm never gonna go! Ha ha ha ha!
Go! Go! Go!
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